I haven’t heard anyone say it yet, but the light is changing. This morning I noticed it as I stood in the shower, the room slightly darker than usual. The first indicators of fall are barely imperceptible unless you’re me, looking hard for them and daydreaming about what’s to come.
This time of year is always one for looking back. Katrina, other storms, transitional periods of my life, and a lot of bad I had to overcome. Fall is a time when I’ve historically rebuilt myself. I always seem to be drawn to reinvention and refocus right around now, whether out of necessity or longing for a past self that seemed to simply be better. Will I be my ideal self again this fall? Will I finally find myself lacing up my running shoes? Remember when I fit into this or that and did so many things?
Of course, there’s the added pressure of my wedding, which is a strange beast. It’s a happy time for sure. There’s also stress coming out of nowhere relating to my dress and how I look, though, and it’s gotten to my head a bit in the past week or so. I’ve had so much time to figure it out, so why am I waiting until the eleventh hour to get it together? I guess the bright side is that I haven’t felt the need to change myself before now.
I’m heading into the next month with renewed motivation and focus, and a plan for keeping my goals in sight (stick to a running schedule and track what I eat, pretty simple). I know that no matter how I look on the wedding day, I’ll feel like the most beautiful and loved woman in the world. I already do.
Soon there will be a chill on weekend mornings, and I’ll find myself liberated from the boredom of the treadmill and enjoying cool air on my face as I run the stress out. And the light will have fully transformed into that golden-hour, soft early-fall glow I’m just starting to recognize in the days at the end of August.